Writers Digest PAD Challenge/ No One Knows

No One Knows

no one knows what I feel inside        i may look ok            on the outside

but that isn't true         i am covered with sorrow        like a bead encrusted dress

i am trying to accept your death       as something that might have happened any day

people die everyday                 they are always coming and going

but the truth is        your death            has crumbled the foundation beneath my feet

turned my spine to jelly         yet... i continue                    i get up in the morning

i continue my work         one day becomes another           i check and i am still here

often my eyes are wet with tears        my heart is broken             like a porcelain cup

dropped to the kitchen floor         i try not to hesitate            for fear my own sorrow

will catch up with me and overtake me          still i look at the sky           forever blue

the mountains are the same         everything looks the same       one cannot see the void

of your absence             it is not something you can see                          only feel

April 29, 2015

April 28, 2015 Writers Digest PAD Challenge/Something to Keep

Something to Keep

when all is said and done          does it matter                 i sit before you

new snow on the mountain                 the sun already high in the blue sky

you say                    i am a scientist                              energy always is

you remind me                                              one can not destroy energy

but you say              i wish we would get a sign                  maybe we do

when the sun shines                        when there is lightening during a storm

perhaps each day         i can see your energy          when the wind moves the wind chimes

                 so....

something remains                something is                       and will always be

like two young girls                       we hug              and hug again

it will be the last time in this place                     but we will keep something in memory

April 28, 2015

Note: For my friend, Katherine.

April 16, 2015 Sunday's Wirligig/Butterflies and Honey Suckle /Poets United Poetry Pantry #249

Butterflies and Honey Suckle

i travel the shady side of the street          a stain across my chest

lace peaks out of my sleeves                          covers my hands

my dress diaphanous                     the hem drags behind me

my body ink stained             the words can be read 

through my clothes                                every secret of my life

scribbled upon my skin                   the weather hard to predict          

and changes often                                nothing stays the same...           

without you              empty              i put a clip on the dark clouds          

make way for a little sunshine     often the weather is as dissonant

as my mood                             i search my purse for a reminder                

a handwritten note        folded carefully             the day iridescent              

the air filled with the sweet scent of honey suckle and butterflies                 

the future is not  clear               instead mottled...often blue

April 25, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge April 24, 2015 / That Moment

That Moment

that moment                was a defining moment           it was not a surprise

i knew it was coming       could happen anytime               in hindsight

i see there were many moments                        that lead up to that moment

perhaps all the moments before             were preparing me for that moment

the words you spoke         are seared into my heart                he just died......

the night before was hard to leave you                              i was called back

by a voice i did not recognize           or perhaps i knew somewhere deep inside

when i arrived                       you would be gone                         this moment

has shaped all of the other moments                             that are to come in my life

from that moment on                                   nothing will be the same

April 24, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge/ A Historic Poem

A Historic Poem

you came        we talked         but still so much was left unsaid

                          i guess i thought you knew              you asked about me

i came here when you died                           i lived until i could live again

i rented a house on half moon        this house was for sale                  i bought it

i came here because              my gallery was here                   my dealer was here

i came here                  to morn your loss                                    to learn my new life

the years passed          there were money problems             everything was in a hairball

one day became another         at first i did not realize          it was the far side of the world

a good place to work              i was aware                                  i was not too connected

to this place                  but soon enough my roots grew                           i buried my heart

in the desert                 it has become my home           people have come and gone in my life

some have stayed             i have guarded my privacy                        then you died last year

i have tried to remain up right                      i am trying to accept your loss from my life

                         some days is it more difficult

i remain with the world of trees & clouds & birds           with the flow of the world

i know what I know           there is much i do not know                    i try to accept change

i look at nature             it looks back at me                i am sad                 nature is sad

because i am part of nature                           i try to see through the illusions of my past

you asked why does the artist continue                       i replied it is who he is &

it is all he can do                                         the artist believes what he does is important

                        the world needs him

the artist is like the monk        who preys everyday      he believes what he does is important

                        the world needs him

April 23, 2015

Note: I have tried to write honestly about the last 20 years of my life. I want you to know.

Writers Digest PAD Challenge / A Nature Poem

A Nature Poem

That quiet place one longs for         a walk in the woods           birds alive overhead

the stream that flows      & all that lives in the stream                       the sun rising

tracking its' path across the sky       setting at sundown       all the colors of the rainbow

sleeping out doors under the stars                    rain that moistens the earth

& snow that transforms          all things out doors        ...still        nature is everywhere

all things that exist in space         things that cast shadows                     things unseen

the air we breath                                & the wind that moves the windchimes

nature is where we live          our little part of the world                   nature is you & me

April 22, 2015 

Note:  I am thinking nature is not just 'wild things' but all things.  Men build cities and they become a part of nature, in New York, the hawk builds his nest on the ledge of the buildings, wind blows through man made canyons, some live in the shadow of the buildings most of their lives, never to see the sunlight, we are all a part of natue, constituently changing.   

Writers Digest PAD Challenge / I Am an Artist

I Am an Artist

and you say             how do you know        i show myself by my actions

oh it has been a lifetime          i have pursued this career       i go to the studio everyday

in the studio                 i go to work            i am a painter                         i paint

at the end of the day my station is left in order                no time is wasted in preparation

my brushes are ready           in the morning         i may spend time at the computer writing

then i paint              at lunch time i take a break                            the sun is high in the sky

then back to the studio to paint                               my life is spent thinking about color

looking at color                                analyzing color                                 speaking to color

i cup my hand to my ear i listen                                           i try to hear what color tells me

i ask the question          what if            color answers          do not be afraid              use me

i show you my work            i lay all that i am before you       the work comes from my heart

it is honest               i hope to speak to your heart                                & you will hear me

i await your answer...

April 21, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge/ My Sorrow

My Sorrow

like an old pair of jeans      easy to slip into        once in & zipped

it is like being in a dark room        familiar                     yet uncomfortable

the night couples with other nights    no real difference       like a long lonely journey

nothing to distract my mind              as it travels the rails              memories flood back

everything sharp                 nothing fuzzy you                       slip your hand into mine

we hold on               not knowing what to expect our                   tears collect on the bed

you tell me through tears             you want to go home                      i stumble in response

i spoke with your then                 & and i continue to talk with you                 i wonder

where are you             can you hear me                     it this the way it is supposed to be

April 20, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge / Faded Memories / Sunday Whirligig/Poets United Poetry Pantry

Faded Memories

my world seems askew          the flowers have fallen from the pot

hard edged moments too real                 to forget

nightmares are never sanguinary...                     just sad

i reach for your furry absence                    you are but a memory

i am pulled into your cage of sorrow          my legs unsteady

often i am a guest                        in an unhappy guesthouse

while the color behind the color is crimson       the color of my heart

my world is often blue                                no longer bright

faded into memories of                 you

April 18, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge/ The Swing My Daddy Made

The Swing My Daddy Made

i am reminded of a childhood swing                   daddy tried the limbs of several trees

before he found           the just right one                         out by the old hen house

& with each swing             the branch would give a little            adding to the thrill

of the ride                                               every child should have a swing of his own

the back and forth            cutting through the air                 swinging higher each time

a homemade swing                 tied into a tree seems so much better than

the swings at the park                the clink clink of the chains          stiff and unyielding

alone in the swing               hours slip by                     childhood slips by

now childhood is only a memory               & it is there i still find the swing my daddy made

April 17, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge/ The Artist and The Scientist

The Artist and The Scientist

the artist and the scientist              are the same in many ways                  we get an idea

often the idea is without words                                       then we test it      

the artist works within the visual field                                     we make drawings                  

try to make our ideas visible                                  try to understand what we are thinking

we make color charts                     we make comparisons                      we try to determine

which is darker                                   which is lighter                                which is brighter

which is duller                        we experiment with texture                     try all kinds of tricks

compare results           art is a lifetime study              often we follow a path without a map

the answer we seek                                                WHO AM I... who am i...who am I

April 16, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge/Honest

Honest

what is it to be honest          to tell it like it is...for you               your truth

it is the only way to write          the only way to be                 get down and dirty

get the grim in your knuckles       reaching for the truth       each moment of each day

the bell rings clear                it is in every aspect of my life                 work and play

when i say               how are you              yes                            i really want to know

when i tell you i've messed things up                           that is exactly what i have done

is it dishonest                                when we do things by mistake

perhaps the brain is going soft                        & soon we will be led around by a nurse

but not today                  i still make choices                          but maybe more mistakes

there will be a day                            i can give up responsibility for mistakes

but until then              i will still have to explain as best i can             my honest mistakes

April 14, 2015

April 13, 2015 Writers Digest PAD Challenge April 2015/ A Confession Poem

A Confession Poem

this is something i've never told anyone                       but first let me tell you

about the mornings                              the air is cold and crisp

the sky over New Mexico              a clear blue                      like your eyes

i look out & i am reminded of you                the heart inside my breast shrivels

i am waiting                       for what you ask                        that i cannot say

for i know you will not return                         perhaps it is for a sign of some kind

still i am waiting                                           it has been nearly twenty years now

like the french lieutenant's woman                              a lonely figure looking to sea

instead                               a lonely figure on the mesa looking to the desert

each day almost the mirror image of the day before                       up early

coffee hot with steam circling the cup                                             out to the studio

where i am met by the work of yesterday                               i am still in close circuit

with the work                i have no idea where i am going            but likely i will remain

in the very same place at the end of the week                month                       year

waiting is not something i like to do                            yet it seems to be demanded

a part of what i do               must do                                           a part of the discipline

i grow old standing in one place yet i count           the hours                         the days

April 13, 2015

Sunday's Whirligig/An Appointment with the Dentist -- Writers Digest Pad Challenge/ Damage

An Appointment with the Dentist

the moment you finished                     removing my tooth

i could see only orange               the pain ravished my body

it was just a little tooth removal                     nothing to it

happens everyday        many times a day      but not to my teeth

stop                  i scream                             sink back into my chair

the weight of your actions crush me    it was like a brush with death

i scribble on a page in my diary                    i vent my rage     

you hand me a mirror          the pain of it all is reflected back to me

April 12, 2015

________________________________

Damage 

we never know what damage we do                 or if we do we give it no further thought

we say              oh well it happened it really wasn't my fault           someone else caused

all the trouble             it is hard to accept responsibility admit                we were wrong

declare regret            perhaps we never intended to create the damage

 much better to pretend           it never happened       that trash on the ground is not mine

 someone else should pick it up         damage is simply the residue      of our actions

 we are being asked to wake up            to take care of the earth

                                                                                        as if it was the only one we have

April 12, 2015     

Writers Digest /Summer Winter Spring or Fall

Summer Winter Spring or Fall

it is still spring             perhaps the first season of the year        sometimes it is hard to tell

the beginning or ending              winter's days                                    cold and long

everything hidden under snow                                         all is transformed to winter white

in spring                                            the days seem longer brighter

little green shoots begin to emerge      peek above ground     we drop layers of protection

no longer needed              we are always in preparation            for the coming season

soon it will be summer                        days grow longer                lazy             warm

in the mountains                    the morning air feels colder                      even than winter

summer will pass                 and it will be winter again              my favorite of all seasons

i like to close myself in                 look inward             get to work               i feel like bear

in his den             always waiting with expectation           for the arrival of the next season

April 11, 2015

April 10, 2015 Writers Digest/ How in the World

How in the World

it is a question to ponder                as humans           we have been given a paradise

& it seems                                  we do nothing more than destroy it

perhaps it is because we cannot work together               so afraid we won't get our's

cannot conserve          we want it all           want it now right        down to the last drop

we are told the world is changing             we do nothing         no change in consumption

we leave the lights on             drive our cars where we like          knowing fossil fuels are

                                                                                                           destroying our

                                                                                                                ability to live

we eat almonds                            knowing each almond takes a gallon of water to grow

still we eat almonds             we get more things to plug in                  consume everything

we are hot              we turn on the ac                 we are hungry                       we eat

without thought of what we are doing                                            how in the world you ask

April 10, 2015

April 9, 2015 Writers Digest/The Studio Life of an Artist

The Studio Life of an Artist

what is work         the most important thing                      i do each day

work gives my life meaning                    i know what the day will bring

the more i work             the more i need to work            my life is but a long

unfinished project         it is work i know i can accomplish         for better or worst

my work is an adventure                           i can travel to exotic places

see interesting people              i set up a problem                     and i go to work

one problem leads to another              i am alone with myself               my journeys

are across an interior landscape             i see the sun rise           and later in the day

the sun sets                     i have done my best                         i will sign my work

April 9, 2014

April 8, 2015 Writers Digest PAD Challenge Day 8/I Dare You

I Dare You

I dare you                      I double dog dare you             will you take the dare

or will you let it lie                  sometimes it is the only way to find out

accept that dare               give it a try                     life is a dare

the new born takes the dare                                       and his life begins

he will make it or he won't              there are no promises           no guarantees

April 8, 2015       

Writers Digest April 7, 2015/ What is This Thing Called Love

What is This Thing Called Love

how to talk about this thing called loved                        the eyes dilate

it is hard to breath.....no wait                            i think i am talking about attraction

and love is something else               but what is it                           i think

it is something like a stew              takes a long time to cook        is only ready after a long period

slow heat             flavors mingle in the pot                respect grows each day    and trust

love it not about outward appearances                though I have always loved the way you looked

the person takes a step                     into your heart                        a flag is raised

territory is claimed           perhaps love is claimed         something given & something taken

that will be proved over a period of time                                        when love is young

no one can tell         is it true                   will it last                                 will it grow

love is a lot like liquor                 put into a barrel           the proof is in the tasting            

it takes time                                            there is no rushing the process

April 7, 2015

Writers Digest PAD Challenge April 6/ Double Rhythm

Double Rhythm

it is the double rhythm of things                they appear one way across the room

across the landscape              across the nighttime sky

but when we come up close                      they reveal something different

a painting is a good example                  we see it across the room

we are drawn to it            we see it up close               the painting is no longer

a still life        pots on a table       but rather it breaks up to be pieces of colorful paint

you saw it              you know what it is                    but it isn't as it appeared

sometimes we find people are like that                       we see them across the room

we like what we see        we are drawn to see them better       when we come up close

they are also not as they appeared                   sometimes this is called double rhythm

April 6, 2015

April 5, 2014 http//sundayswhirligig.blogspot.com/ Magpies & Hawks --Writer's Digest Day 5/ A Snake in the Garden

parable, war, suitcase, crack, careful, fruit, pounding, enough, birdsong, fathom, save, dispute

Magpies & Hawks

the message is in the birdsong    they sing back and forth

call for each other      greet the day      the morning sun

as it rises above taos mountain      the nighttime is cracked open

for a new day     they sing the stories of their kind      passed down

for generations      tell of heroic deeds of mighty wars

of the afternoon the magpie clan      fought the hawk clan

hard to call a winner      a brave magpie leader was killed

hawk had gotten a good pounding      that day he packed his suitcase

moved his clan to another territory      he had enough of the old dispute

wanted to save his children      from the old wars

fighting fathoms      carefully they would build a new life

April 3, 2015

______________________________

Writer's Digest  PAD Challenge Day 5.

A Snake In The Garden

when a little girl     a very small child      while visiting 

my great aunt maggie’s farm      i would often go there to play 

with my aunt         my mother would take me & pick me up later      

one day while in the vegetable garden         i was playing in the rows

i remember i lifted a bean leaf       large and green      

there staring back at me      coiled beneath the beans         

was a great big black snake         i’m not sure      

but i think he was smiling      & spoke to me     

in a breathy whisper      he said      hello little girl

i was so frightened      i fled the garden      & never returned to play there

for fear      he would be waiting for me

April 5, 2015

Writers Digest/Palliative Care//PAD Challenge April 4/

Day 3 PAD Challenge April 2015.

Palliative Care

the room was quiet         except for the soft chatter of the machines

talking among themselves        i wasn't sure if they were my friends

or enemies        it was alien territory

you seemed to sleep to their rhythm of their voices       did they chat about the day

whisper secrets they learned as they watched by the bedside      surely they overheard

the most intimate exchanges        on their screens were the results of their monitors

in a language impossible for me to read       they seemed to crowd around us

kept track of the beat of your heart        kept a graft of what was going on in your brain

your blood pressure        and then it was over       they had done they job

each was disconnected       i missed the reassuring hum of their motors as they were

rolled from the room        it was completely quiet now       we would go to

palliative care        draw the shirt around us        together

we would make his last days as comfortable as possible       and hold them forever in our hearts

April 3, 2015

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Day 4  PAD Challenge April 2015.

Prompt: Departure poem.

That Day

how to talk about your departure       the most profound goodbye       i have ever heard

or not       for you didn't say a word       maybe the words had already been spoken

nothing could be changed       it all happened as it happened      it would stand

we made mistakes       perhaps we didn't always fill in the blanks with our love

we were just humans       you and i       still your departure

was like a word erased       you left your trace       my love for you filled my heart

like a crystal glass suddenly dropped to the floor       splintering to a thousand pieces

when all is quiet       i find you are still here      and my love for you is still here

perhaps we never go anywhere        just change the way others see us

April 4, 2015