Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Childbirth --Poets United/ Midweek Motif


i did not know childbirth         my child was born        in my heart through adoption

not under it                  lets say, the old fashioned way           i always wanted children

or at least                     thought i did                            it was what my parents wanted

what they taught me to want          grow up                  get married

i remember as a child               playing wedding           playing house


have a family               live happily ever after              life was simpler then

a child of the 50’s        the american dream                  little did i know

my own dream             was to be an “artist”                 and to be an “artist”

one could not be married         or little should be said about it       could not be

a mother          everyone knew                you could not be a “mother” & an “artist”

art is a jealous mistress             and there really isn’t room        for much else

but of course unspoken            you could not be a woman       & an “artist”                

so much i did not know           i thought i could have it all       tried to juggle              

my life in two exclusive realms            probably didn’t do either justice

it is hard to image         i have lived my life                  with so little knowledge

found out                     in the intervening years                    it is probably too hard

life is too short             most never really are “artists”          it is always about “becoming”

still, i loved my son      was glad to be a mother            worked hard at becoming an “artist”

i am sure i neglected both         now my time belongs to me      it is only in looking back         

over my life                 that i can see who i am             i can say, yes, i am an artist

May 10, 2017




Sherry Blue Sky said...

Yes, you are an artist and always have been. During mothering years, I neglected my writing and always felt badly, I knew I should be writing. I am grateful for the later years, when I can make up for lost time. And I know the depth of love you have for Jim. Our kids are the cornerstones of our hearts.

gillena cox said...

Luv the contemplating and contentment.

Thanks for dropping by to read mine

Much love...

Susan said...

Who ever knows? It's all improvisation.
My childhood was the same practice for motherhood, but I became an activist and then a professor instead. Could I have had both? You were/are braver than I! My favorite line is the very first, but all follows it and echoes it--we need also to adopt ourselves--
"i did not know childbirth my child was born in my heart through adoption" Thank you!

Myrna R. said...

I have the feeling you were a good mother too. I wasn't an artist but I had a career that took me away too much from my daughter. Still, I look back and I'm content to know I did my best at juggling. I'm certain you did too.

indybev said...

A raw and honest write. It seems we all live our lives with so little knowledge ... but the knowledge is gained along the journey.

Sara McNulty said...

Open and honest writing, Annell. My mother always told me she did the best she could. I am sure you did, as well. No doubt that you are a wonderful artist.

grapeling said...

heartfelt and candid ~

Paul John Dear said...

Poignant piece. The balance is always a challenge and as parents and artists we must learn to dance on shifting sands.

Jae Rose said...

You definitely are - I love the question you raise here and the tenderness of are woman, artist and mother xo