Childbirth
i did not know childbirth my child was born in my heart through adoption
not under it lets say, the old fashioned way i always wanted children
or at least thought i did it was what my parents wanted
what they taught me to want grow up get married
i remember as a child playing wedding playing house
have a family live happily ever after life was simpler then
a child of the 50’s the american dream little did i know
my own dream was to be an “artist” and to be an “artist”
one could not be married or little should be said about it could not be
a mother everyone knew you could not be a “mother” & an “artist”
art is a jealous mistress and there really isn’t room for much else
but of course unspoken you could not be a woman & an “artist”
so much i did not know i thought i could have it all tried to juggle
my life in two exclusive realms probably didn’t do either justice
it is hard to image i have lived my life with so little knowledge
found out in the intervening years it is probably too hard
life is too short most never really are “artists” it is always about “becoming”
still, i loved my son was glad to be a mother worked hard at becoming an “artist”
i am sure i neglected both now my time belongs to me it is only in looking back
over my life that i can see who i am i can say, yes, i am an artist
May 10, 2017
9 comments:
Yes, you are an artist and always have been. During mothering years, I neglected my writing and always felt badly, I knew I should be writing. I am grateful for the later years, when I can make up for lost time. And I know the depth of love you have for Jim. Our kids are the cornerstones of our hearts.
Luv the contemplating and contentment.
Thanks for dropping by to read mine
Much love...
Who ever knows? It's all improvisation.
My childhood was the same practice for motherhood, but I became an activist and then a professor instead. Could I have had both? You were/are braver than I! My favorite line is the very first, but all follows it and echoes it--we need also to adopt ourselves--
"i did not know childbirth my child was born in my heart through adoption" Thank you!
I have the feeling you were a good mother too. I wasn't an artist but I had a career that took me away too much from my daughter. Still, I look back and I'm content to know I did my best at juggling. I'm certain you did too.
A raw and honest write. It seems we all live our lives with so little knowledge ... but the knowledge is gained along the journey.
Open and honest writing, Annell. My mother always told me she did the best she could. I am sure you did, as well. No doubt that you are a wonderful artist.
heartfelt and candid ~
Poignant piece. The balance is always a challenge and as parents and artists we must learn to dance on shifting sands.
You definitely are - I love the question you raise here and the tenderness of remembrance...you are woman, artist and mother xo
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