Friday, March 16, 2018

Where Have You Gone/Son of Mine -- Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads

Where Have You Gone/ Son of Mine

This year it will be four years
Since you went away
Leaving a hole as big as the Rio Grand Gorge
I continue one foot in front of the other

I travel a new terrain
An empty space
Lonely, without a plan
Without a map or compass

How can we know
What lies ahead
How will we survive
Without the one we love

At the time
It didn’t seem possible
Not the “right” order of things
And still you left
Quiet, dignified

In the early morning
When I arrived
Your bed empty
I remember, the night before

How hard it was to leave you
I kept coming back
I inhaled you
Filled myself with the scent of you

As though I could keep just a little of you
I asked at the desk
And was assured
It was not time

I am empty now
My soul wanders
Seeks to find you
Howls in the wind

Stumbles over cactus
Lost in the sand
Will this be for eternity
Or just a little while

March 16, 2014


gillena cox said...

Oh its anguish you are feeling, so deeply written.
Hopefully every time you pen your hurt. Your soul heals a little


Sanaa Rizvi said...

This is heartbreaking :( wishing you love and peace, Annell.

erin said...

annell, i can not believe it has been this long. it's incomprehensible. and he, irreplaceable. utterly so. and yet, what a bounty this love has been. (i can still feel it and who am i?)

i feel deeply for you, as do your other friends here. it is difficult to see a pain so unremitting. but how glad i am for the love.

Jim said...

Thank you, Annell, for writing this. My friend was travelling with her family and her boyfriend. That night at a motel the fellow slipped away through a window. He was not to return. I new it was a strange situation but didn't have much insight as to my friend's thoughts and feelings about the matter. This helps me to know.

Mary said...

This is so very sad, Annell. I cannot believe that it has been four years. You have described the missing so well. And putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do. We cannot know what lie ahead. We cannot know who will go first. Losses are not easy, and the feelings do not go away. Blessings to you, Annell.

J C said...

A beautiful tribute to one who will be in your heart forever. Four years is a long time. Ten is even longer. It gets softer, but never leaves. Blessings to you.

Toni Spencer said...

Oh my Annell. So very sad and how honestly you have written about your grief and pain. I am so sorry to read this. But you have become as wonderful a painter of words as you are of pictures. Putting one foot in front of the other is so very brave. I have read your poems where you end with a phrase such as "you are gone.". Thank you for writing from your heart . It is a beautiful haibu n and ending haiku.

Margaret said...

Of course this goes straight to my mother's heart. Unbearable

Christmas Comes Slowly/dVerse/early

Christmas Comes Slowly I avoid what comes too early Instead will wait for Christmas A long wait indeed But send my love for now ...