Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Forever/imaginary gardens with real toads

Forever

You said old or new
I think,…forever
Missing you
And yet…

It was important
For you to have your own path
Follow your own clowns
Time came too soon

I stepped back
And mourned each day
You were away
I have grieved your leaving

And have berated myself
For what I could not do
And I could not
Do it for you

I have to let you go
And this letting go
Happens everyday
Over and over

But my, have you changed by life
My teacher
My love 
My Son

We enter the fifth year
Of your leaving
And in some ways 
It seems it was yesterday

Footsteps in the hall
Your door closed
Your bed empty
Ripping a giant hole in this heart of mine

Grief so like an illness
Something you have to get through
Something that will be with you forever
Still takes some getting used to

January 22, 2019

12 comments:

Anmol (HA) said...

"this letting go/Happens everyday": This line captures the emotion in such a palpable manner. However we try, it's not easy getting used to someone's absence. A deeply emotive write!

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Oh this brought fresh tears into my eyes 😥 grieving and bearing loss of a loved one is difficult as we try to move on.

Jim said...

Not a happy time, I know. Sometimes thinking of a certain old Country Western song helped. "Thank God and Greyhound she's gone." Before was a part of life and both of us are better for it.
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Jim said...

Oops, I wrote my comment for a living separation. Sorry, Annell.
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Priscilla King said...

((empathy hug)) to all parents who've lost children...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"But my, have you changed my life." Yes, he did. And grief is something that happens every day, as you walk through the sorrow of losing your beautiful son. It is hard to believe it has been five years. Such a long walk through heartbreak, and you walk with such grace and dignity, my friend. You have taught me a lot by how you make this journey.

brudberg said...

I think a grief like yours will never leave you... five years can be forever and feel like yesterday

Herotomost said...

Five years or fifty, I think that kind of love will never let the grief go away. An amazing piece of writing and one that will remain in my mind long after I close this page.

tonispencer said...

Grief like this never stops. It renews itself everyday.

rallentanda said...

I am pleased that you wrote this poem.It always amazes me how someone in your position survives thrives and functions after losing both your husband and son.You are immensely strong and inspirational to all of us.

Old Egg said...

It is not what you haven't got that is important, it is what you had and remember that is. I lost my wife but it is what we did and accomplished together that is such a beautiful memory that is always cherished.

Magaly Guerrero said...

Time has little meaning when it comes to loss. This one digs deeply, Annell.

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